Have you heard of Philippa Perry? She’s a psychotherapist and “agony auntie” who writes for The Guardian. Here are her video responses to callers who are getting through break-ups, looking for work, changing narratives about their sex lives, establishing adult relationships with parents and other life issues.
The holiday season can be a joyful time. It also freaks lots of us out for many reasons. Many of my clients have been talking about their holiday fears and have been figuring out strategies to make the season less stressful. Here are 5 tips I’ve gleaned from our sessions:
1. Figure out your expectations. Speak or write your fantasies, and don’t worry if they sound naive, silly or childish. Making them transparent helps you to modify them so that they are in line with reality. Do your fantasies include a perfect meal, perfect family, perfect gifts? Be kind to yourself, and remember that “good enough” might be better than perfection.
2. If you’re dealing with an addiction, set aside time to sort out your relapse prevention plans.
3. Is this a time when you feel the loss of a loved one? Make room for feelings of sadness and grief, rather than covering them over. Tara Brach’s RAIN approach is a good one for coping with difficult feelings.
4. Don’t disrupt your self-care routines too much. It’s easy for them to fall away if you’re travelling or hosting. Remember that the basics–sleep, exercise and healthy eating–keep us balanced. What else helps? Time alone? Spiritual practice? Connecting with friends and community?
5. If you’re not into celebrating holidays, what do you need for yourself during this holiday season? Some of my secular clients feel glum on major holidays because the rest of the world (or it can feel that way) is busy being festive. Create fun and meaningful activities for those days. For example, many people see movies or stay home and enjoy a day of much-needed quiet. Find out what works for you and consider creating your own traditions.
Wishing you a relaxed and enjoyable season! I’ll be away Dec 23-Jan 5, practicing these tips. 😉
Here’s Sue Johnson on loving more intelligently. What I find compelling about her talk is this: loss of connection triggers feelings of threat–of being rejected or abandoned. And she says we have no control over these feelings because we are hard wired to need connection. We do, however, have control over what we do with those feelings, and how we communicate them to our loved ones. Watch and see what you think:
I love this article! It details the results of recent studies which suggest that writing improves our emotional and physical health. It might be time to crack open that journal or refresh the blog…
Up to 95% of our behaviours happen at the subconscious level. Here’s a succinct explanatory video about the subconscious mind.
Most therapists love to assign homework that encourages clients to try a new habit, thought, stance or process. I’m no exception. The reason is neuroplasticity. When we do something new (over and over), our brains change.
Feeling emotionally overwhelmed? Tara Brach offers a 4-step approach to responding to our experiences mindfully.